I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
