I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
