It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
