remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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