there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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