you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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