I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
