She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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