I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
