I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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