You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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