I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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