If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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