Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
