That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Damn victory sex feels great
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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