im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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