Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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