i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
