I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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