My room smells like vodka and shame
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think i scared a bird with my dick
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
