I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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