i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize