why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
