I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He felt like a one man threesome
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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