You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
