its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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