As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
