"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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