Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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