Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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