Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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