Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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