I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
