We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
