it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
