I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
