U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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