Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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