I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
