i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
