be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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