so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
