Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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