You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
