he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
