So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ugly people sure do ruin things
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
