4 words: hood of his car
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize