the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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