I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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