all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
