shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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