is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
