I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
