i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
