oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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