my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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