Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
