if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
