So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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