I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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