I just saw a hot homeless man
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
