Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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