apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
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I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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