i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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