unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
