I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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